we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
