Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
