Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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