I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
