she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
