Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
