guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
