i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
