I just cut my nipple shaving
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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