From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
