i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
