Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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