Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
