we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
