im drinking this country out of the recession.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
