Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
