I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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