What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im part way to drunk.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
