so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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