I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
