dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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