but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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