she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
