Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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