this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
