Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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