This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
