sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
