atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
