im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
