The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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