I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize