She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
