I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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