Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
