I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Jerry, you need to find god
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
