check it out our google latitudes are spooning
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you didnt know i had herpes?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
