Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize