I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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