what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
