okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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