I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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