Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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