dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
