Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
