I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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