So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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