Welp...herpes.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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