the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
