did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
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She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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