Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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