I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
