Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
