Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
