She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize