mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
