So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
