if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
