someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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