and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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