and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
