My pussy is not your playground.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
