He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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