I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
