ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I have post one night stand depression
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