never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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